GOOD GOD. GOOD GOD. That's really all I can say.
I'm so sick of dealing with contractors that don't make good on their promises. I'm so sick of having a landlord that doesn't do what he says he'll do, or makes excuses like "it isn't a priority right now". I'm so sick of not making progress, even though I'm definitely making progress - boatloads of progress, really - but it's not progress-y enough. I'm so sick of waiting, waiting, WAITING. I'm sick of feeling stressed and tired and cranky all the time, and now my eye has begun to twitch. It started on Sunday; I thought it would go away but it hasn't and I'm thinking it's the stress. The stress of having to depend on other people to do stuff for you, only for those things to NOT HAPPEN.
I have wished in the past to just be talented at lots of things - I would love to be able to perfectly execute a ruffled pie crust, paint a beautiful masterpiece and write a short story, within a few hours of each other. But these days? I wish I had a mechanical engineering license. I wish I knew how to install a hood system by myself. I wish I knew how to drive a pick-up truck. I wish I could be in four thousand places at once. I wish I had an architectural seal. I wish I had the ability to rip pallets apart with my bare hands.
Wish wish wish.
I can't tell if blogging about this is making me feel better.
Yesterday, I was about to jump in the shower, when I pulled back the curtain and Scout (our gray cat) was hanging out in there. I picked him up and I guess scared him, because his claws extended and he scratched my ear. I get scratched by the cats ALL THE TIME (usually because I just want to snuggle them always and they never want that) and it doesn't hurt any more, but for some reason, after Scout accidently scratched me, I just burst into tears. Because isn't that how it is? You're so extended in so many directions that eventually you just sort of...shatter?
Tonight is crafty time with some lovely friends from high school. I'm hoping that in writing this blog entry, I will vent my frustrations now and not with/at my old chums. I don't like being the center of a conversation but for some reason, when someone asks, "how's the bakeshop going?" it turns into a twenty-minute rant with the latest drama. I'm going to try REALLY hard to refrain from that tonight.
And my eye just started twitching again.
And hey, I'm back to blogging! I promise there are happy things going on, too.