17 May 2010


Can't believe it.

Totally finished with school.


(Thank GOD.)

So here are some pictures.

[me and Pete]

[walking into the church for the pre-commencement]

[Steve, me, and Mary]

[big hug from Mary Helen! (Pete's mom)]

[Jeffie (Pete's dad), me, and Mary Helen]

Okay. Where are the pictures of me with my parents? They were there! I guess those are all on my parent's camera. I'll have to update later.

So that's that!

Okay, I lied. That isn't that. I had a really, really hard day on pre-commencement day. I woke up with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, and spent all day throwing up or feeling like I was going to throw up.

I tried EVERYTHING to get myself centered - yoga, meditation, watching 30 Rock, The Office, Community, and Parks and Rec...nothing helped.

Once I got to the church to line up with my classmates, I was feeling a little better. Still icky, but better. We milled around for an hour before we lined up and then I started feeling nervous again.

We got into the church and my family and Pete and his family were sitting close to the back, so I felt better when I saw them. But once we got to the front of the church, I was sitting in the first row - right in front of all the deans and presidents of the school - and I blacked out.

And because I was so nervous, after I had blacked out (for like two seconds, I had closed my eyes and tried to take deep breaths and I opened my eyes and it was like they were still closed - everything was black) I ran to the side of the church and sat there, cowering in fear/texting Pete apologizing profusely and telling him to pass that information to my family.

It was exhausting.

And I was so embarrassed.

But now it's over. I have the pictures to prove that I was there. I graduated. It's not like we actually received our diplomas or anything.

And I learned that since I was so nervous about this, I would be even more nervous about the wedding day, so I am going to go back up on my full dosage of Paxil. I was so angry that I couldn't get myself all the way through it, but it makes more sense to just stay on the meds until I have a more stable life. Things are complicated right now. Lots is going on.

So. That's that. This weekend was exhausting and I'm looking forward to not doing any work this week (short of applying for jobs) and generally relaxing.

10 May 2010

Only Two Months to go!

Can you believe it? Just two months left!

(For the record, I cannot believe it. It's insane.)

Since school is almost over (one paper left, and six days until graduation!) I'm looking forward to totally concentrating on wedding planning and getting everything together to create a really, really awesome party.

So here's what we've taken care of in the last month:

1. Booked two pre-cana sessions - to get married in the Catholic Church, you have to attend these - and wow, they were expensive. Ridiculous. As if we aren't already spending a ton of money...
2. Went to our reception place and tested out the DJ equipment that our friends Christian and Kyle are going to use.
3. Set up transportation for the day. This was something we had debated about - is it worth it to hire a driver and a party bus? We decided that yes, it was - and we had money in the budget for it. It'll just be nice to have the whole bridal party together.
4. Mary Helen, Pete's mom, came up to St. Louis last week and we went shopping for flower girl dress fabric - and we finally found some! They'll be super cute; grey and pink (to match our wedding colors).
5. Got our free tickets to Disneyland.
6. Went to our reception place and did some tastings. We decided on a chicken sonoma, which is chicken with a light sauce, artichokes, and roasted red peppers. Also on the menu: garlic mashed potatoes and a vegetable medley. And a house salad. And some awesome cupcakes from Lindsay.
7. Ordered the last of the bridesmaids gifts. Now I just have to create a couple of things to go along with the store-bought goodies.
8. Ordered some fun stuff for the reception.
9. Ordered a very pretty headband. Now - to figure out how I want to do my hair. The white headband I ordered back here isn't cutting it for me.
10. Finalized the order of the ceremony and reception. Really, I think we have pretty much the whole "day of" schedule figured out.
11. Talked with Mary Helen about songs that we can use for the ceremony. I'm lost on this. I haven't been to enough Catholic weddings recently to know what is possible and what people use, so it was good to get some input.
12. We looked at wedding rings. Holy cow, those things are expensive. There are a couple of places/things that we're thinking about. But we haven't made any decisions.
13. Had our engagement pictures taken. I'm in love with them.

It was a busy month! I am getting so ridiculously excited.

photos from our engagement session by ryan gladstone

06 May 2010

Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

Okay, so I don't know what I was talking about last week, when I said that I would have plenty of posts THIS week.

Because it's Thursday and clearly, I haven't written anything this week.

I had exam #1 this morning, and I have exam #2 tomorrow.

And I've been stockpiling fun things to write about for quite some time now, so I promise there will be goodies soon!

Here's a picture from Rend Lake last summer (which was, yes, in July, but I just put the pictures on my computer recently from Mary Helen). From left to right: Steve, Mary, Maci (Christy's daughter), me, Pete, and Christy (Pete and Steve's older sister).

I am so so so so so so excited for summer to start! It's going to be a good one :)