Ten Open Memos to People or Entities Unlikely to Respond

Ridiculously stolen from Bridgett.

1. Bridal Stores - try to get receptionists that are not snooty. I'm nervous and excited and ready to try stuff on but right away you've got the receptionist, my FIRST impression of the place, being kind of annoying, looking at my shoes, and staring at me like I have three heads. Really? Could we maybe be a little bit more...oh, I don't know, NOT OBVIOUS? [This is really just one store in general, so far.]

2. Certain Moms with Kids - Ladies, I understand that it's hard to have children, keep track of them in big, loud public places, and teach them all the good stuff that they have to learn to be decent human beings - but really. 10 year-olds should not be pushing in front of little girls at a line in the Magic House. ESPECIALLY if you, their MOTHER, is standing right there, cheering him on to pull the big magic bubble ring over his head. I was disgusted. And unfortunately, there's more than one of you out there...

3. St. Louis Humidity - I'm sick of you already. Scram.

4. Kate, of Jon & Kate + 8 - I'm sick of you, too. I read a magazine article about how you hit your children. WITH PICTURES. Are you that silly? Really? You know that there are paparazzi around your house, like, ALL the time, and yet you smack your kids around. That made me angry. Also, it made me SO angry that I wasted $2.99 on a crappy star-stalker magazine (People or US Weekly or Star or whatever it was). And you have weird hair. And you should spend some time with your kids and stop lugging your cell phone around with you all the time.

5. Highway 40 - I loved you at one point. Please come back? All in one piece? I miss your speediness.

6. Masking Tape - you aren't holding my Polaroid pictures up very well. Every morning, I stumble out of bed, make my way into the living room, and always, ALWAYS, there is at least one picture that has fallen onto the ground. WHY? You're usually so good! You held heavy pieces of construction paper up on the walls of Gries, which are those weird spackle walls. You can't stay up on a smooth, painted surface?

7. Martha Stewart Magazine Subscription Services - figure it out: I've moved. I want to change my address. I've paid. I've sent my check in - then cancelled it and paid it online. PEOPLE MOVE. THESE THINGS HAPPEN. IT SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD.

8. People Who Hate Their Jobs - just because you're cranky does not mean you have to be cranky towards me. You chose your path. Deal with it. I bet it does suck working at a bank where thousands and thousands of dollars go through your hands everyday, but really? You don't have to be rude to me. Put on your big girl pants, smile, and do what you have to do to get through the day without angering someone.

9. To That Guy at the Fountain - you weirded me out. And I couldn't get a good read on you. I pride myself on getting good reads on people that I don't know. But you confused me and I didn't like it.

10. The Guy from Charter - I was so angry when you came to the apartment and "set up" our Internet - even though the Internet had already been up and running for two days. It also sucked when you came because you turned off the free cable we had been...borrowing. I was REALLY looking forward to living off the grid (kind of) and having free cable! Ugh. You ruined my week after that happened, seriously.