25 January 2010

Paxil, Round II

Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh.

That's how I feel right now.

I've been super moody and cranky and depressed. I've been continually going off of the Paxil - 20 mg one night, 10 the next, so on and so forth.

It was going well during Christmas break. I was super tired, but I had plenty of time to sleep. I worked every day, but it was in the afternoon, so...it worked out well.

But now, with school. Ugh. Like I said before. It's just too much. I'm in class from 2 - 5 hours a day, and then I was working every day for at least three hours...I talked to my boss and am now just working three days a week, as opposed to five. So I'm hoping that will make things a little bit better.

But so far school + going off of Paxil = hell. I mean, the thing that sucks is that it could be so much worse but I'm kind of good at feeling sorry for myself. It's easy to, when the chemical imbalances in my brain are going super crazy and I hardly have time to just sit and breathe.

So I'm thinking about going back up to my normal dosage. I want to, in a way - but on the other hand I have no desire to do that. But I just have been getting these horrible, anxious feelings in the pit of my stomach that I am super used to having, but haven't had in a really long time. And it's just too hard to deal with that feeling and go to class and work and do homework and attempt to carry on a social life. The worst part is that I've been getting nervous before social situations. I haven't had that feeling since freshman year of high school. We had people over on Saturday and for like, an hour before people came over, I was just nervous nervous nervous. Which was annoying because the people that came over are some of my closest friends.

So. I'm toying with the decision to go back on fully. It's not like I'm pregnant and have a time that I NEED to be off of the meds or anything. I just wanted to get off of them, but I think I'll put it off for awhile longer. Just so that I can get through this school year without feeling like shit the entire time.

Also, I never said thank you to all the people who wrote thoughtful comments or send supportive emails to me, after I first posted about Paxil here. Your support means the world to me!

Oh, and consider this a reward for you if you've read all the way to the bottom of this post - I'm going to be having the first giveaway on the blog tomorrow! So keep your eyes peeled. It's a pretty sweet prize. I would want to win it :)

2 comments:

sonrie said...

hang in there...thinking of you.

mh said...

You do what's best for you!